secuplik surga

Surga itu pulang dari kerjaan hectic lalu disambut :
quality time leyeleye pelukpeluk cengar cengir
sesi belanja menggila bersama teman-teman terbaik
dijemput dua lakilaki terpenting dalam hidup – kitonk & sibabeh
ngobril ngalor ngidul jam satu pagi sekeluarga – lengkap sama satu ekor kucing tengil yang cari fokus terus

Thank you all, you beautiful, wonderful people ♥

Lunch Break

Sometimes I think I function a little bit better when I’ve had my first glass of the bubbly.
It loosens my inhibitions just a little, allowing me to think more freely and talk more eloquently. I know I may come off as an alcoholic when I say this, but sometimes I wish offices give beer breaks in lieu of cigarette breaks for those who aren’t smokers.

Anyhow, seeing that we’re in Indonesia where even women who smoke are often frowned upon, I think the beer break wish is not going to happen anytime soon. But anyway sometimes I get the next best thing : my lunch break.

You see, a lunch break is only as good as the company you spend it with. You can eat a four course meal and yet leave the table feeling as hollow as a drum if you dine alone or worse, dining with someone you barely know.

In my first year at this office, I was one of the very few young people. The other few are several years older than me, with a background so pristine they could be nuns. These are the prim and proper young ladies of the world, who speak gently and curtsey while they’re speaking (ok, this is an exaggeration, but you get the point).

These ladies hang out and have lunch with the elderly matrons. They talk about children, gossip and almost nothing else. I only endured lunching with them for several weeks, and at the point of dozing off during conversations, I often chose to go alone. To bookstores, salons, massages or browsing the net at my desk.

But several months after, there were more and more people my age joining the department. So slowly but sure we built a tiny revolution.We talk about nothing important, we vent and laugh our asses off, and we *gasp* have fun.

However trivial it may seem to you, but lunching with these people may be the single thing that keeps me sane and grounded during weekdays. These corporate drones who had to give up big dreams because well, dreams don’t pay the bills, do they?

In a couple of years we may turn out to be the group that lunches while talking about diapers, but hey, let’s enjoy the ride -while it lasts.

Great Expectations

Expectations are a very scary thing for me.

OK, wait, tunggu dulu, jangan mulai mengucapkan kalimat2 macam “hidup itu tidak bermakna tanpa harapan”, “manusia tidak boleh kehilangan kemampuannya untuk bermimpi”, dan bla bla bla lainnya… gue bukan membicarakan tentang harapan yang ITU. not hope. but expectations.

mimpi-mimpi gue (sampai saat ini) masih tersimpan rapi dalam sebuah kotak di belakang otak gue, menunggu suatu saat dilepaskan dan mengkristal jadi kenyataan. tapi yang gue bicarakan adalah ekspektasi gue atas berbagai hal kecil, setiap belokan tanjakan dan turunan mungil dalam keseharian gue.

hal2 semacam ketika gue ada janji kencan sama teman2 kuliah tercinta di sudirman, sedangkan gue mengkalkulasi bahwa perjalanan karawaci-sudirman memakan waktu sekitar 1 jam sehingga gue bisa bertemu mereka jam 7. tapi ternyata jakarta menginjak2 ekspektasi itu dengan memunculkan kawan lamanya bernama KEMACETAN di saat yang sangaaaatttttt tidak tepat dan membuat gue ingin berubah jadi KINGKONG supaya bisa mengangkangi kemacetan itu dan tiba di tempat tepat waktu. ekspektasi2 kurang penting semacam itulah pokoknya yang gue bicarakan.

So that’s why I say that expectations are a very scary thing for me. Because when they start to fly, they go all the way. UP. (which, of course, makes the fall down reaaaalllllyyy painful).

I have ‘learned’ along the years to stop expecting certain things from certain people or situations. To no avail. When it all comes down to it, I’m such an emotional masochist.

I see the sprout of an expectation, and quick as a flash I start to give it wings. Not just regular flying wings, but super big angel wings, along with a turbo jet booster with NOS so it can fly fast-and-furiously up up and away. Launch ’em up into space, just to go careening all the way down in smithereens.

People just never learn. Me in particular.

Let’s hope I change….oh, the irony…

renungan lebaran

mungkin lebaran jadi titik balik,
pemicu untuk kembali fitrah seterusnya,
atau cuma perayaan sesaat sebelum kembali larut dalam hari biasa.
toh hari berganti dan kita tetap sama,
insan biasa yang coba temukan tempatnya di dunia.
Manusia tidak sempurna dan penuh luka,
dan begitupun saya…
Maka coba hapus lukamu, jika ada karenaku.
Kikis perlahan dendam agar lebih sempurna jiwa.
Selamat hari raya.
Selamat kembali fitri.
Meski mungkin cuma untuk satu hari.

sedikit neraka di malam takbiran

hari ini matahari bakar Jakarta

tanpa ampun seperti hendak balas dendam yang lama tertunda

beri sedikit rasa neraka untuk para calon penghuninya

tapi mereka cuma tertawa.

katanya; aku tak takut neraka, dia ada di setiap jengkal keberadaanku.

lalu mereka kembali lagi jalani hari

menyeberang jalan dan mencari makan

…..ditulis 9 desember 2005, tapi sesuai untuk gambarkan cuaca hari ini

…failure to launch

semua orang punya mimpi.

cita-cita kecil dulu adalah menjadi astronot. melihat bintang dan dunia dari perspektif yang lebih luas.

pernah juga mau jadi detektif, mencari petunjuk dan menerka makna dibaliknya.

satu cita-cita lagi untuk jadi arkeolog. keliling dunia, menguak sisa-sisa peradaban lain. kemudian belajar dari kesalahan yang membawa kehancuran peradaban itu.

….

….

….

dan sekarang, dua belas tahun sejak mimpi-mimpi itu,,

baru NYARIS jadi pegawai bank.

life’s funny way of saying ‘you’ve still got a long way to go’