Love. Laugh. Life.

Judul posting kali ini dipinjam dari judul blog temanku yang super manis. Tulisan yang sama juga terpatri di bagian dalam cincin pernikahan kami, dengan harapan setiap harinya kami dapat selalu berbagi cinta, tawa dan hidup. Amin!

Hari ini tepat seminggu memulai hidup baru. Jadi istri. Punya suami. Separuh dari sebuah kesatuan,  meskipun semoga tetap bisa berdiri sendiri. Pastinya masih jetlag karena selepas resepsi kami langsung berangkat bulan madu.

Ternyata semakin mendekati hari H dan setelahnya, cuma rasa syukur dan haru yang terus menerus terasa. Alhamdulillah, kami diberkahi begitu banyak cinta dari keluarga dan sahabat, bahkan keluarga para sahabat dan sahabat keluarga. Rasanya seperti punya satu keluarga yang super besar dan hangat.

Terima kasih untuk Muty yang nggak putus hadir & support moral selama 3 hari acara… Termasuk live update di Path dengan jepretannya yang mumpuni banget ngambil berbagai momen penting, meskipun pemirsanya pun cuma Smita ya nampaknya hahaha… Love you girls!

Siraman – photos courtesy of Muty
Akad Nikah – photos courtesy of Muty

Terima kasih untuk team suksesku : Mas Adhi, Indhira & Ibu, yang jungkir balik menyukseskan acara dari persiapan sampai dengan hari H.

Tim Sukses (minus Ibu)

And finally, terima kasih yang tak terputus untuk Papa dan Mama, yang berkolaborasi dengan dearest brother & cousin(s) untuk hadiah kejutan yang sukses bikin pengantin nangis di pelaminan

Banyak sekali cerita yang ingin saya bagi, tapi mungkin perlahan-lahan karena masih menyesuaikan diri, belajar membagi waktu antara diri sendiri dengan si “tamagotchi” – pinjem istilah Smita.

Insyaallah, rumah tangga kami pun akan selalu diliputi cinta dari keluarga besar ini, dan kami mampu membangun keluarga yang sama hangatnya dan penuh cinta, sakinah, mawadah, warohmah. Amin :’)

20130401-164121.jpg

H-25 : If I Knew Then What I Know Now

Daisypath berkata 3 minggu dan 3 hari lagi menjelang hari saya diperistri. What is that word? Diperistri? Dijadikan istri? As if menjadi istri adalah cita-cita. Kenapa nggak ada dipersuami? Ah gender bias, how I dislike thee.

Semantics aside, mari kita reka ulang kalimat tersebut menjadi : 3 minggu dan 3 hari lagi menjelang hari saya memiliki seorang partner hidup.

Oh wow.

Drama sudah semakin tak terhitung.

Kebaya akad & resepsi gagal 1 bulan menuju hari H? Been there.

Pusing seputar pengaturan panitia keluarga? Done that.

Kena slepet di rapat keluarga? Oh chenchuuu.

..

.

I am so much more excited about the marriage than the wedding. Yeah I know I’ve said that. I don’t know why I said it like it’s a bad thing. It’s a good thing. It’s a reminder of what truly matters. 

Then I came across this post by Edward Suhadi 

and now I am slowly letting go. Of all the things that are beyond my control. All the things that didn’t go the way I expected it to be. All my concept and color schemes slowly falling down into the abyss of “ya udahlah ini juga bagus kok”. 

I am learning not to care, as the only thing to care about is that I am getting married. I am gaining a life partner, whom I chose, and chose me as well. To begin the rest of our lives together. 

And I love him more for the fact that he still has enough patience to remind me : 

“You can choose to sulk and have a crappy time, or we can laugh about it together and have a great time.”

I wish I remembered that since day one, instead of letting pressure from other people *hello parents* take over me.

My Heart Leapt on a Leap Year


..
.
mmm sebenernya meskipun sudah nyaris sebulan lalu tapi masih suka bengong-bengong bego dan antara percaya nggak percaya.

Jadi tahun kabisat itu peristiwa yang rada-rada langka kan yah karena cuma empat tahun sekali datangnya. Dan biasanya saya mengasosiasikan peristiwa langka dengan hal-hal yang aneh tapi nyata.

Dan sungguhlah aneh tapi nyata ketika di tanggal 29 Februari 2012 kemarin ini ada seorang laki-laki yang tiba-tiba bilang : “Nikah yuk!”. Dan semakin aneh ketika gw pun cuma bisa bengong-bengong hampir 1 menit penuh dan akhirnya bilang “Ini beneran nih?”. ah sungguh pasangan yang tidak romantis logis.

Eh tapi kita tetap manis kok, soalnya sesudah diyakinkan bahwa “iya ini beneran ngajak nikahnya” maka gw nyengir selebar daun kelor meskipun tidak semelar tali kolor, sambil ngangguk-ngangguk. Maklum, baru pertama kali diajak kawin soalnya jadi agak norak.

Ah ya, sekedar catatan buat diri sendiri juga sih, bahwa kalo jadi orang gak usah penuh sok logika deh. Beberapa minggu belakangan ini, si laki-laki yang ngajak nikah itu (sebut saja Budi, eh tapi namanya nggak ada budi-nya. hmmm oke kita sebut saja dia pemuda Er…ror).. Iya jadi si Er ini sebenernya udah beberapa kali ngajak ke Segarra belakangan ini. Meskipun saya memang penggemar sunset sejati, tapi kan belakangan ini cuaca agak buruk ya, maka dengan penuh percaya diri gw selalu menjawab “Jadi ya, Segarra itu kan enaknya buat nikmatin view. Kalau hujan gini sih, kayaknya nggak ada yang diliat juga. Besok-besok aja ya kalau cuaca bagus kita kesananya.”

Rasanya pengen balik pakai mesin waktu Doraemon dan membungkam si otak kiri sialan, ternyata DIAJAK KE SEGARRA TUH KARENA TADINYA MAU DILAMAR DISANAAAAAAAAAAAAA…. Namun apa daya semua gagal. Batal sudah kesempatan untuk suatu hari cerita sama anak-anak gw nantinya bahwa

“Mama tuh dilamarnya di Segarra lho, sambil memandangi matahari terbenam di Teluk Jakarta”…

alhasil nanti cerita gw cukup

“iya mama diajak papa nikah pas lagi duduk-duduk di sofa rumah”…. *jitak otak kiri

Oh well, that was beside the point anyway.

Kalau baca blog ini dari awal, you would know that I’m not really the ‘marrying kind’. I love unconditionally, but to reach that point was a huge learning process in itself. And loving is not necessarily the same as committing. Tapi dipicu oleh berbagai pergumulan dengan diri sendiri, terutama setelah membaca tulisannya Smita yang ini, akhirnya gw menyadari bahwa meskipun gw tau gw sangat bisa survive dan bahkan cukup berjaya menjalani hidup ini sendirian, tapi GUE NGGAK MAU.

Karena hidup terlalu penuh aja untuk dijalanin sendiri, gw merasa butuh partner buat berbagi hari. Dan berbagi hidup. Supaya kalo capek bisa ‘nyender’, kalo seneng ada yang diajak soraksoraibergembira, kalo sedih ada yang diajak maki2.

So here we go, mister, bersiaplah disenderin, bersoraksorai dan (terkadang) memaki bersama.

test of time

This is my grandparents, who after 55 years are still in love with each other.
A stroke ruined the part of my grandma’s brain that controls speech ability, and so she hasn’t spoken for almost 7 years. My grandpa’s hearing has failed him gradually since I don’t know when.
One can’t speak, the other can’t hear. But their eyes always light up at the sight of each other. And it’s plain to see that for them, that’s enough.

My grandfather was admitted to a hospital several weeks ago. My grandmother insisted to visit him every morning. As she walks into the room, he would say proudly to the nurses “Have you met my girlfriend? She’s so pretty isn’t she?”. Since grandma can’t speak, all she does when she visits is take a chair at his bedside, and hold his hands. Sometimes they hold hands while watching TV, sometimes while gazing into each others’ eyes, sometimes they even fall asleep while holding hands.
Old people can be so stubborn, especially my grandpa in particular. He often refuses to eat, and nothing we say or do can make him eat. Then grandma comes to the rescue, just by glaring at him, or trying to feed him. Like a 5 year old, my grandpa obliges sheepishly.
I am a skeptic when it comes to love, but they continue to prove me wrong. Now I regret that I never probed deeper about their courtship. Who made the 1st move, where did they meet, where did they go on their first date, when did they know they were in love?
I sincerely hope I will have a love story this beautiful and longlasting…
And for my grandparents Uti & Aung, I’m so grateful they did. 🙂

—–this picture bears close resemblance :’)

see the resemblance?

She loves her husband more than she loves her kids…

Pertama kali mendengar kontroversi seputar perempuan di artikel ini kalau tidak salah sekitar 3 tahun lalu, karena pernyataannya bahwa dia lebih mencintai suaminya daripada anak2nya. Waktu itu gw bisa memahami kenapa mayoritas orang mengecam dia gara2 pernyataan itu, tapi di sisi lain sbg perempuan gw sangat kagum atas cara berpikirnya yang agak berbeda dari norma.

Seringkali gw melihat perempuan2 usia 25an ke atas yang mulai kehilangan identitas dirinya. Pertanyaan “Siapakah anda?” kemudian dijawab “saya istrinya bapak x” atau “saya mamahnya si x dan y”. Jadi mereka mendefinisikan dirinya sebagai pelengkap dari orang lain. Bukan sebagai diri sendiri. Parahnya lagi, ketika si anak mulai beranjak dewasa dan tugas si ibu sudah 70% selesai (karena si anak sekarang mulai mandiri), para mamah-mamah ini banyak yang merasa tersesat dan gak tau lagi apa yang harus dilakukan dalam hidupnya. Solusi berikutnya adalah menunggu cucu. Aduhhhh capek deh.

Budaya kayak begini yang menurut gue membuat perempuan Indonesia jadi susah banget berkembang. Meskipun persentase perempuan dengan pendidikan tinggi semakin bertambah, tapi kayaknya banyak juga yang otaknya masih gak dipake2 amat deh. Abis kuliah jadi lebih buat gengsi, kan malu kalau nggak kuliah. Tetep aja lulus2 kerjanya cuma nongkrong2 arisan di kafe dan mall ngabis-ngabisin uang suami. Haduhhhh… Bikin gue malu jadi perempuan.

Nah intinya, pernyataan Ayelet Waldmen yang berani mengakui bahwa dia lebih mencintai suaminya daripada anaknya menurut gue adalah sesuatu yang gak salah sama sekali. Toh bukan berarti dia tidak sayang sama anaknya, tapi dia lebih sayang sama suaminya. Bukan berarti dia tidak mengurus anaknya, hanya saja mungkin dia tidak terlalu terobsesi harus menjadi MAMAH NOMER SATU SEDUNIA. Nggak ada yang salah dengan itu kan?

Anyway, artikel ini menurut gue cukup menarik karena Ayelet kemudian membuat buku tentang parenting, dan insight2 dia tentang Mamah-Mamah cukup penting dan perlu dipertimbangkan.

Di bawah ini cuplikan wawancara Ayelet dengan majalah Times :

Ayelet Waldman: Bad Mother

Ayelet Waldman outraged helicopter moms nationwide when she acknowledged in 2005 that she loved her husband more than her kids. In her new book, Bad Mother, she isn’t backing down

“I love my husband more than I love my children,” wrote Ayelet Waldman in the New York Times in 2005. The response was immediate and not kind. It didn’t help that her husband was novelist Michael Chabon — beloved, actually, by many. She was branded a Bad Mother. Four years later, Waldman has written a book with that title. And no, she’s not apologizing.

Were you surprised at the response to your column?
At first I was crushed. I couldn’t believe how many people hated me. I couldn’t believe Star Jones was criticizing my marriage on national television. But I’m such an obstinate person that part of me said “You thought I was a bad mother then? Well wait for the book, baby.”

Why are mothers so judgmental of one another?
Because they feel so stressed out about how they’re doing. You take the time to lose your mind completely only if what that person says attacks some sort of core about yourself. If you live your life one way, and I live my life another, that’s fine. But if the differences are how we’re raising our children, and if you’re right and I’m wrong, then I could be screwing up the most important thing in my life.

How has motherhood changed now that women have more skills and education and opportunity than ever, but it’s all spent on choosing the right brand of apple juice?
All the ambition gets channeled into the nursery school committee. And sometimes that’s great. But it is not really sufficiently fulfilling. So you end up having this kind of toxic stew where your actual activity doesn’t match your ambition. And there’s all this sort of intense pressure on the children because you’ve made some huge professional sacrifice. The people for whom you’ve made this sacrifice — well they goddamn better be worth it.

One of the other reasons you say you’re a bad mother is that you aborted a son who may or may not have had serious health issues. Are you nervous about how that’s going to be received?
He had a genetic abnormality, and that abnormality could have resulted in mental retardation and it also — the chances were more likely that you wouldn’t have necessarily known anything was wrong. I expect that people who are pro-life will respond negatively, and, in fact, I’d sort of be disappointed if they didn’t. But when I went through this experience, it was so … to use the word ‘helpful’ is ridiculous. It saved my life to know other women who had gone through it. If there’s ever a point to the memoir, which is necessarily a narcissistic endeavor, it’s to give people a sense that they’re not alone.

Another failing you cite is that you lost your virginity at 14 and you kind of regret it.
Oh no, I don’t ‘kind of’ regret that, I regret that absolutely.

So what is your approach to teaching your kids about sex?
Sarah Palin has pretty much proved that you can wish for abstinence all you want, but kids are still going to be boning each other in the backseat of the car. So I feel like I have prepare them for it; I have to teach them how to be responsible and respectful, and also prepare them for the idea that it’s a wonderful thing, if done in the right way. So that’s why I put condoms in the bathroom.

And of course your kids were delighted.
They were so horrified, they couldn’t believe it. You would have thought I put rat entrails in their bathroom cabinet.

Another reason you’re a bad mother…
So many.

You have a campaign where you don’t necessarily make your children do all their homework. How is that going?
I hate homework. In lower school, when you say to the teacher, this is all we’re going to do, it’s amazing how they will agree. I think teachers know what a colossal waste of time homework is. It changes in middle school, and I do make my daughter do all her homework. But I really feel strongly that our kids do way too much homework. The research is on my side. It’s easy to make a fuss when you’re right. That can be the tagline of my life: “It’s Easy To Make A Fuss When You’re Right.”

Then there’s the bipolar thing. How does that affect the way you mother?
That is my biggest challenge. Because of my bipolar disorder, I tend to these mixed states, which are depressed but loud and agitated. So I can be terribly irritable. I go to cognitive behavioral therapy in order not to yell at my children.

Do you hold the opinion that none of us should be shouting at our children?
In a perfect world, probably we’d never yell, we’d just be firm and dispassionate. But of course, everyone yells at their children.

What do you think of spanking?
I think I wish I had never spanked my children, but I have. And they remember every instance like they tattooed it on their palms. I think it’s a terrible lesson, to use physical punishment to make a point about not behaving, not being kind to their siblings, to other people. I mean that’s just absurd. But I’ve lost it, I understand it. I can completely sympathize with someone who has spanked a kid.

In your book you attribute your healthy sex life as a mother of four to the fact that your husband helps a lot around the home. Can you elaborate?
I think it’s astonishing to women how little housework the men who were at the Take Back the Night marches are doing, you know? There they were, in their pro-choice t-shirts, and now they’re behaving just like their fathers. Taking care of a home is tedious, wearing, and it never ends, and when you are solely responsible for that, it can piss you off. So any husband, who legitimately feels like he’s toiling away all day, comes home and says, “I just need an hour to decompress,” — well, welcome to never getting laid again.