just the beginning

Finally, after four and a half years spent in classrooms staring into space, talking about some random obscure thing, and the occasional learning…after six months of staring at something black printed on something white without being able to comprehend some sort of coherence in it… after almost one year of neurotic anxiety, random bursts of determination and certain periods of staying up all night trying to make sense of my own thoughts and putting it into writing… after racking my brains trying to find the exact way to make readers understand what i’m trying to say… after several weeks of agitation and breakdowns… two bloody hours trying to explain what i mean…

finally… this phase is over for me. finally, I can add those four letters behind my name : S.Psi.

not to say that this is the end. not meaning to make this a glorified happy ending.. just the opposite. this is just another step. still have a long road to go. damn. but hey, where would the fun of living be if i said i’ve reached an end (happy as it may be) ?

kuning

ingin aku berlari telanjang kaki kutendangkan ke atas hingga tanggal sepatuku, terbang melayang menimpa kepalamu.

kamu berteriak, terkejut dan marah,

tapi tak terdengar olehku.

aku sudah jauh,

sibuk dengan tanah dan debu meresap di antara jemari bersama gembiraku,

sibuk dengan angin yang sentuh setiap jengkal kulit dan keberadaanku,

sibuk hirup udara dan hidup.

aku terus berlari hingga entah dimana

terus hingga seberangi benua, seberangi samudera

terus hingga tanah ini akrab sudah denganku

terus hingga tak ada lagi yang baru.

lalu aku berkata cukup.